~health getting worse???~

Sigh~...duno what's happening to my health...getting worse each day...even with medication...and taking more of bland food...sigh...

past few days been vomiting and vomiting whenever possible...sometimes i'm really getting tired of it...very xin ku u noe...but i cant do anything...but still thank many people for showering me with loads of concern...sigh...i really miss my doc...he went for reservist and will onli be back at the end of month...means i gotta 'suffer' for the next few weeks...cos only he knows my condition and tell me what to do...say for today(friday)...was having kinda a bad time at work...not abt work but my health...i rushed to the toilet twice to vomit...and my whole body just feel uncomfortable...so i told my supervisor and went back...i noe my doc isnt ard...but i still went to the clinic at my place(for MC too)...pathethic...no patients(though is a good thing lah)...but most patients when they noe that the doc isnt the doc i usually see...they wun go...dat is wy at that time nobody at all...i went in...he juz sat at the chair in a slack position...and asked me what happended...i told him is my usual symptoms...den he was like duno what to do...asked me what do i want...he sae he cant do anything except giving more medicine which i already have...so i juz told him to give mi my MC instead...n left...see what i mean?he doesnt know anything!i mean he may know alot abt being a doctor...but he doesnt know how to deal with my condition...see him also no use...really miss my doc man...
after i got my MC...i went home n sleep...for abt 5 hrs i think...den wash up and went to my place nearby coffeeshop to have some porridge and went for class...on my way...i duno y...keep thinking alots of things again...and i really cant remember what i was thinking abt...den keep crying...in the day i cried too cos i juz cant take it that i kept vomiting...then when i was in class...at certain points of time...i teared abit again...but nobody saw...covered my face...and have got gastric pain...when when i'm on my way home...i teared too...juz duno why...is this really symptoms of depression?how is depression like?sigh...n i went home n vomitted again...i really find it very xin ku...and i feel that when i get home...i gotta put on another front that i'm simply fine and healthy...1st is not to worry my parents...2nd is to prevent myself from getting nagged or scolded at...n being blamed that i caused this upon myself...sigh...wonder how long is this going to be like...a colleague of mine kept advising me to think of happy thoughts...but it's really difficult to void off those unhappy ones...or troubled ones...at times i really do not noe what to do...do pray at times...guess i'm not desperate enough...have i given up on myself?i really duno...sigh...
many advise me to go on a break...but i really do not have enough leave...and i cant bear to leave my work juz like that...my work is very impt to me and i take my work v seriously...i can rather not go relax and sink myself into work...and there's also no way for me to leave work juz like that...cos there's some daily report that have to be sent out everyday...and i've got to do it...and there are other work which no one noes how to do it...so how am i to go for a break?i have to be at my work always...and at this period of time, the colleagues whom i think might have to learn to do my stuff(to be my back up) is very bz with other areas of work...i also wldnt want to burden her with more of my work...so dat's y...hmmm...

anyway gotta stop here...being nagged to sleep...nitez all...take care
God Bless n Love all of ya...

siyin-ann