~felt better~

the past few days i've been feeling alot better in terms of health...except at time abit of gastric pains...vomit once or twice...quite happy cos guess health is improving bit by bit...not only that...my emotional health is getting better...less of crying already...realy thank ppl around me...and most of all...thank God...He's the best...i've actually have been quite distant away from God for a period of time...really wana spend time talking to God...but just like now, am 'addicted' to distractive stuff like the computer...and by the time i stop using...i'm too tired for devotion time...really have been neglecting God alot...i only have super short talks with Him b4 i sleep or when i'm walking alone...and in church in too...but i've not done the most important thing which is to read His Word...however, now i'm reading some books given by some friends...these are all Christian books...though is still not a Bible, at least they are somethings that will in a way or other bring me closer to God...but still, nothing beats reading the bible...i really really need to have the discipline on this...
anyway, 2dae i OT till abt 8pm...was thinking of going out...but i think it's something God planned, i eventually went home...duno whether is something good or bad, i went home and had a 3hr quarrel cum talk with my parents...actually my dad has always been angry with me cos he doesnt like my current lifestyle...out early in the morning and home abt 10plus or so...he keeps wondering y i do not need any rest at all...and he's unhappy i'm not always at home n feels i dun love home and family at all...actually i really really do love my family alot...appreciated them alot for bringing me up...guess still...i do not noe how to express...the quarrel was kinda bad till he said he do not want to care abt me anymore...was really sad...the quarrel was filled with tears...for me...my dad, is sum1 who cares and loves me most in the family...without him and his strictness, i wouldnt be who i am now...actually i will really be devastated if he really were to not care about me anymore...love my dad whole lots...but...i guess i'm brought up in an environment where we do not express love for each other even if we really do...each of us family members are like that...how i envy friends whom i hear that they hugged and kissed their parents...say 'i love you' to them...would always wonder why not mine?but still, it is lived this way...guess it cant be changed much...been that man years already...but that doesnt stop me from loving them...only that the way i express is not what they want...that is why my dad is disappointed in me...how i really wish he understands my situation...ppl would say that i should tell him...but to me it's difficult...tried telling him...but his traditional thinking wouldnt budge...so it's kinda no use...and actually i all the while really wana work hard at work...show my worth...(which i felt that not many noticed)...study hard...and eventually earn much more so that i can provide more for them...but still...wat they want is me to be at home...really trying hard now though...
anyway the quarrel digressed...means its actually not really solved...i mean the problem...however, the other topic we talked about actually made mi understand them more...something good...it's on something about the whole big family...misunderstandings of the older generations and stuff...anyway these batch of people are old and mature enough to handle these problems...i wouldnt care much...but what i really hope is that all of their misunderstandings do not affect the younger generation...i really treasure my relationships with my cousins...they are the people who will grow old together with me...that's y i feel that our relationship should be close...i really hope things of the older generation will not happen...
sometimes i really wonder how God does the unexpected...u will really be amazed...although the problem with my dad is not solved, God planned it that i go home earlier juz to at least bring back the bonds with my parents(though it still includes the quarrel)...i noe my dad now feels alot better...cos we really sat down and spend time to talk(the digression part)...
anyway...i really gotta do some reflection on myself too...my attitude...been really too stubborn...whole family has been like that...really gotta spend time and talk to God to give me the strength and wisdom to handle matters esp at home...as for work and studies, He has always been constantly blessing me...good supervisor and colleague, good group members for assignments...i can reall admit till now i really duno much about what i've studied in these 2yrs...but i managed to pass...some even with fairly good results...all these are really God's blessings...i mean i will also have to thank frens around me who helped too...but still, wihout God, i guessed i might not have come till this point...but, i still have to try and do my part by doing revision and stuff...yup...hmmz...

aniway will stop here...take gd care...
God Bless~