~AArrrgggghhhh!!!~

i'm juz so sad!!!! again...sigh...all abt this stupid idiot 'ROOM'...sigh...
guess wat? it FLOODS in here!!!...though only small puddles here n there...but it juz sucks lah...n nobody cares...told my dad there's water...he even saw mi walking n n out getting cloths to clean my 'ROOM'...but he didnt even care at all!sigh...nobody cares...it's not that i wana stay in this stupid 'ROOM'...i juz hate it!!!n now some of my stuffs are wet...lot of my stuffs are on the floor in the stupid crammed up 'ROOM'...they are all in either paper bags or plastic bags...some plastic bags got holes...dats y some of my stuff got wet...most of the plastic bags are on top of the puddles of water lor...i'm juz so sad lah...i really duno wat to sae or explain how i feel...i actually tried my best to accept this fact...but when i came home juz now...i cant take it anymore...another round of crying again...this yr i really cried aot...sigh...not only that...wat makes me even demoralised is when i see my old room being soo nice...the parquet was re-coated with i duno wats dat called...n there's a huge bed...with nice new curtains...BUT...they are for my bro...i see liao i really v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v sad...really...but wat can i do? i can only see...feel sad...n cry...keep all within me...if i sae it out how i feel...i will CONFIRM get scolded or smthg like dat by my dad...so i rather keep damn quiet...and be sad myself...another thing dat i'm sad abt is dat now whenever i wana use toilet or bathe...i will have to walk all the way up to use...not only dat...when my new cupboard for clothes come, i will have to walk all the way to near the door entrance study(now maid) room to take my clothes...all these are damn demoralising...but once again...wat can i do?sigh...n now since my stuff are in plastic bags...i have to find v long for my stuff...for example clothes and others...cos i duno where my maid puts them...and i think i lost my IC and my external hard drive...duno where they are...arghhh...i am juz really sad...duno wat to sae...now i can only cry in my room...tmr i will have to out on a smile on my face...sigh...oh yah...one more thing...actually my mum sae will buy new shelves n drawers for me...i can go choose...guess wat?in the end i gotta use my bros old shelves n drawers which used to be in the study room...i mean i mum did called me to ask abt whether i wana use the old shelves...but she did knw dat i wanted new ones...but she called and juz sae 'hey the old shelves u wana use?they r still new and cost v expensive last....'
before she continue...i juz said 'okok'...y?cos she emphasized on them being new n expensive...means i got no other choice but to sae ok...cos if i say i want new ones...she will start to reason out...sigh...my bro gets to get new shelves n drawers for his new ROOM...but i get the old ones...sigh...sad...first is stay in blacony(kicked out of my room)...then i take my bro's old bed,then flood( n nobody cares)...den old stuffs....sigh...wat more can i sae?sigh...

will stop here...sad...
take care n God Bless~


*anyway, 'this person', i noe that all the while u have been reading my blog...n i guess u go search for it...den found the changed blog add...cos i didnt tell lots of ppl this new since i changed it...that small part i put the other time was on purpose...to confirm if u really noe my blog add...n yup, i'm right...so when r u gona admit that u noe my new blog add n secretly reading it w/o telling me u noe...and still askin me soo many qns when u can noe it from the blog?do u noe such actions of yours doesnt help u at all?*

~i'm so sad~

sigh...no mood...super no mood...when i see my room...the last time i gona see it as mine...cried in my sleep during my last night there...totally demoralised...but there's nothing i can do...sigh...
i have no sae...n i dowana argue...dowan my parents to be angry...and keep using reasons that i'm always not at home to counter me...now...my new room will be at the balcony...room sized halved...clothes cupboard will be at another end of the house...n i feel there's no privacy at all with me moving there...but...that's the decision...i cant do anything...still have to act as if i'm fine with the stupid arrangement...i have nothing to sae...juz gona sae that i'm totally devastated...sad...demoralised...really thank God that i warned them to move my stuff after my exams end...if not i can really say that i will NOT study for my exams as i'm sooo demoralised...
i wana cry out loud...voice my unhappiness...but...i cant...i can onli sob at one corner...without any1 noticing...guess only God noes...sigh...so sad...

~left another hurdle!~

yay~ exams for this term juz over...happy...this is my 2nd last lap...really hope i can clear this...and also my last lap(which will be in June)...den i will be a graduate!!!!haaa...can't wait sia...hmmm...after soo long lor...my life has been so monotonous...work...study...work...study...but am really glad that at least there's one thing that really brighten up my life...is to go church and have God with me...He really bless me alot! esp during my exams...really lor...i can tell u ppl again...i didnt really study for exams...really...but at least i did some minor research that actually helped me abit lah...i did prepare abit of notes...but that doesnt mean i remember wat i've prepared...till like on the day of exam itself (yday n juz now)...i only start to read thru about 3hrs b4 exam start...duno y...i totally nv feel a sense of urgency at all...weird me...usually i will feel it abt at least 3days b4...but this time i did not...n i waste off alot of my time...talk n do nothing...haaa...duno wat's wrong with me...but i really thank God that i really did my best...n i really wrote alot n attempt all questions...the only thing is its relevance...haaa...
anyway my 'study' times are really v interesting for this term...till i didnt really study...one of them is abt me being harrassed by a mad guy in the library...which caused me my time of studying...he's really mad lah...u've got to hear my story if u were to ask me(provided i remember)...duno if he did waited for me outside the library that night cos have got 2 friends who rushed down after their exams to make sure i'm safe...thanks Youyi n Simon...haa...mayb that mad guy was there waiting...but saw me walking out of the library w 2 guys den didnt come near...haaa...sigh...duno y i'm surrounded by mad or perverted ppl...eekz...
anyway...happy exams over...but sian class starts on wed...urrghhh...but nvm...make it quick...so dat i can grad soon...wahahahaha...
sian...tmr gotta go back work(though i was in office today lah...but not for work...shld b for studying...but i wasted my time chit chatting away)...haaa...
k will stop here den...take care ppl
God Bless~~


*btw...i duno y i keep feeling sooooooo irritated or pissed when i see this person's sms and when this person msn me...although this person's intentions are good...but i can't help it but feel pissed n irritated...and it actually affected my mood to study more when i received the sms b4 my exam start...sigh...duno wat's wrong w me sia...SIGH...gotta get rid of this bad attitude of mine...!!!*

~a quote to share...~

Sight is not faith, and hearing is not faith, neither is feeling faith; but believing when we neither see, hear, nor feel is faith; and everywhere in the Bible tells us our salvation is to be by faith. Therefore we must believe before we feel, and often against our feelings, if we would honor God by our faith.

Hannah Whitall Smith

~i miss my...~

best friends...esp Serene Tang and CK...
really miss them alot...haven seen them for quite some time...
was supposed to meet serene but it was either not arranged or both of us not free...sigh...wonder when will i see her...hmmm...hopefully soon...juz soo happy that i can always talk to her in spiritual terms...and that we can give spritual advice to each other...love her lots! always my best fren...always...we've been like frens for 12yrs...but i'v been treating her as my best fren for the past 9 to 10yrs...always in my heart...
i miss ck alot too...but...i duno...juz feel that things are totally different now...and i already expected it...onli a matter of time...n yah...now it's diff already...we somehow like totally nv really contact...i really do wana contact him...talk to him...n resume to wat it was like b4...but i guess it might not ba...many times i wana chat w him online (msn) or sms him or wat...but i didnt...there's a reason to why i didnt...even if we do chat...it's juz only a few sentences...n it stops there...i feel super hurt when it all becomes like this...i really treasure this frenship of 9yrs alot...but...it's juz so diff now...remember i called him on the day when i passed my driving...the reaction or shld i say reply was not wat i expected...was totally disappointed...plus he was like not v interested to talk to me at that moment...nearly cried...sigh...i'm really sad...but i really miss him alot...really wana see him soon...but...but i duno if it will be awkward if i were to meet him...n i guess i canot be so close to him anymore...canot hold on to him while walking...canot rest on his shoulders while resting...SIGH...i'm juz v sad...i really wana be the one to listens to his problems...and helps him by giving gd suggestions...i wana be the one he can turn to n trust...but i guess he didnt regard me as that...that's also y now i didnt look for him when i'm sad n troubled...more often i will juz keep them to myself or talk to God...
feel really blessed as i can always turn to God when i am down...He will never fail me and never forsake me... :)
anyway...though i'm so sad...but nevertheless...i will still love him as much...and will never forget him...will always treat him as my best fren...really...alwayszz...miss him lots...

k i gotta sleep...not feeling well...but cos feel kinda troubled..n really miss these 2 frens of mine...so juz post this...
take gd care...
God Bless~

~congrats to myself~

yah...results are out...n i'm one of the 14 who got promoted...but...instead of being happy...i'm feeling damn confused and sad...sigh...being kinda bothered...y?sigh...also duno how to say...but i'm kinda unhappy abt how much of increment i got...not that alot...and i'm confused cos i duno if i shld move on (quit n go elsewhere) or stay...getting a promotion is good lah...recognition is given...however, i'm juz feeling this shldnt be wat i shld get(pay n position) when i grad (which is soon...)...actually all these while i think i've been underpaid...actually i shldnt say is the company's fault...but mayb myself...cos i went in as an a'lvl grad...that's y i'm graded at that level and given that amt...worked soo hard...yet still not recognised in the 1st 1yr plus...only finally got the recognition in the next yr...which is now...but i'm still far far away from my goal...or even my minimum goal as a going to be graduate...which is the cause of making me confused...shld i slowly work my way up?meaning to continue with this position n pay...n give up the opp cost of getting a more than $2k job...or shld i let go of here and find greener fields?i duno...i really duno...i noe many would say let go and find greener fields...but...i'm juz afraid...afraid that i will be like any other fresh grad who are unable to get a job...shld i hold on to here?BUT...i'm really tired of the management system here...really...n my health deteriorate cos of this job(partly though)...and i feel that i deserve a good and long break from work...meaning i wldnt wana quit here n go to another job immediately after serving 1mth notice...but if i quit first...take my break and find job...i'm afraid i cant find job...how?wat shld i do?
yah...i noe i shld seek God...i WILL seek God...but juz that i wana share how i feel...juz so confused...SIGH...Lord, i need your guidance and i need perserverance...

take care n God Bless~

Quote of the day:
Faith is a strong power, mastering any difficulty in the strength of the Lord who made heaven and earth.
Corrie Ten Boom

~back...~

hey all...i'm back...pasieh have not been blogging for the past 10 over days...juz too lazy to blog i guess...haaaz...
anyway now is lunch time and since i'm browsing the internet, might as well blog abit...
hmmm...within the past 1 week plus, nothing much really happened...other than my bdae a day after i passed my driving...nv intend to celebrate it though...early morning went to giv tuition, thereafter attend class...den went for Edge...got cafe duty too...after Edge and duty, i went out with Serena,Joanne,Jocelyn,Leon and Joel...had dinner...then went Esplanade rooftop...they surprised me with a dark choc cake! so touched though i kinda know they getting me a cake or helping me celebrate when they say they are going esplanade...Thanks darlings...love u all lots...appreciate the trouble u all went to celebrate for me...we went Hong Bao River after that...den home...really enjoyed the time...thanks once again...
hmmm...for the past 2 weekends i got weekend classes...boring lor...esp the classes last week...i keep falling asleep...cos i duno wat is APB abt and i dun understand the lecturer...sigh...how???exams coming soon...worried sia...anyway the past week plus had been quite normal to me...and on both sundays i managed to drive the car and the pick up(under supervision)...but only once for both vehicles...sigh...wonder when can i take the vehicle out to drive out myself...hmmm...yawnzzz...
oh yah afew days ago i started watching Hana Kimi...wah...i didnt know it was so addictive...juz finished them last nite...didnt like the ending though...actually this whole drama is draggy...but...juz as many wld think, they like to watch Wu Chun...he's cute lah...really...hey...seldom will i be 'attracted' to celebrities lor...i even surf net to find out abit more info abt him...the only thing i WOULD NOT do is to be sooo crazy over him and spend my money on his stuff ba...afterall he's juz another human being...haaz...but he's not only cute/handsome, he's tall (wow i love his height)...and his build is wow lor...the thing i miss out is his personality...hmmm...yah dat's abt him...
anyway i will stop here...gotta work...and today Card Centre will be releasing the results for promotion...sigh...duno y i keep having the feeling that i will not get it though there MIGHT be a possibility...sigh...i will juz leave it to God ba...anyway if got promoted is only to SGC...still kinda nothing to me lah...hmmm...
k...byeee...take care..
God Bless~

~yay~

WooHoo~~~
Finally! I'm a Qualified Driver!!! No More learning from instructors!!! soooo happy...
I really really wana Thank God for a few things:
1) Being there for me evey single second (and protecting me,tester n other road users)
2) answering my prayers
3) giving me a good weather (no rain despite the rain everyday!)
4) taking away most of the nervousness(cos still nervous lah)
5) allowing me to learn to control my temper and always be humble(but wonder is dat only valid during this morning...haaaz) - i've said 'yes sir' and 'sorry sir' the most times in my whole life!
6) though giving me a strict tester...he still passed me despite sooooo many mistakes both in circuit n out on the roads...i tell u...when u hear abt the mistakes, u will think dat i shld fail..wahahhaa...i was nervous mah...he kept on say this n dat...make mi gan cheong...haaa
7) and many other things...

The Lord is juz so wonderful, great and Faithful...never fails to bless me...heez...Thank You Lord...

yup yup...happy dat i passed...no need to waste time n money liao...great gift for myself..hee...

k will stop here...take care n God Bless~

~everything i do...~

is always wrong and not appropriate...so sad...sometimes i juz really wana see ppl happy...but yet...before i can do things that made ppl happy, i get 'not so good' comments abt it...it really hurts...cos i'm v sad that watever i wana do or decided,ppl always think it's not good or wat...really sad lor...guess this is why i've always never like making decision...i really never like it...i also never liked organizing things as i'm afraid it might not go well...many stuffs...yah ppl may say cos i didnt think before making the decision, or my decision aren't good...but...each of us have different thinkings...mayb i did think before i decide...but wat i think is right is not wat u think is right...den again...usually, if one say it's no good...some others might 'follow' or agree...some might not...sigh...i duno...all these really made me to hate making decisions...den when i dun make decisions, ppl will say i'm indecisive...SIGH...when will i be right???!!!sometimes i really juz want things to be peaceful where there r no quarrels or watsoever...but it won't...but wat i usually try to do is to keep quiet or 'agree'...juz like when ppl make 'not very nice' comments abt me...sometimes i juz smile it off...or maybe agree...or juz keep quiet...cos i dowana create trouble though i really dun like it at all...i dowana affect frenships...i've encountered failed ones recently...i dowan anymore...i dowana lose frens or ppl ard me...sigh...wat shld i do???sigh...Lord, how should i go abt in handling such things?

anyway gotta work...byee...

God Bless~

~back to fill my blog~

hi all...paiseh hadnt been updating my blog for nearly 2 weeks...anyway...not many ppl read cos not many ppl noe of my changed blog add...so it's ok lah...hmmm...been bz over the past 2 weeks though...but recently was the Chinese New Year...not a bad 1 this yr though...cos relatives from Beijing and Hong Kong are back...missed the kids alot~...glad to see them...but sad that they went back liao...hmmm...aiya lazy to blog abt the past 2 weeks...will juz sae wat happened these 2 days ba...
juz came home abt an hr ago...today is a bz day...early in the morning i prepared myself for church class and church service...went down to futsing...den found out i was at the wrong place...supposed to be at clan association...sigh...nearly gave up going church for today cos it's juz so troublesome...but in the end was persuaded to go...den i went over to aljunied to wait for church bus...the bus didnt come too...some miscomm...we took cabby down...i even missed class...arghh...sigh...den the next 2 wks i gona miss class too cos got sch weekend class...duno if i shld skip morning class n attend church class...hmmm...see how ba...hmmm...after service i went lunch w winnie n family...didnt join the 'other' youths...they seem bz amongst themselves(sigh)...so i left with winnie...after lunch i went home...den awhile later went out w my family to meet up my other relatives for dinner...ate quite alot...even saw Priscillia Chen(Zheng Shi Mei) and her bf (duno wat name)...and one of their fsmily...after dinner went over to my dad's fren house...den home...hmmm...tired...oh yah...Happy Birthday Jin Lun and Jiin Rong~~~
yesterday was also a bz day for me too...but kinda sad abt in the evening and even juz now when i found out smthg...anyway...i woke up super early on sat...cos i changed tuition time to 9am instead of 930am cos i gotta go off early...i took cab down to Masonic Club @Coleman Street...my classmate's ROM...didnt get to see the solemnization cos i was late...so only went for the lunch...thereafter went to do some catch up with ex classmates n classmate(from my uni)...den headed down to Edge after i got something for Jinlun...actually been thinking of wat to get for him for v long...but still duno...so in the end bought Timberland's voucher for him...hope he uses it...went to The Edge...sermon was good...somehow of a breakthrough...but sad...sad cos i wasnt ministered to(or prayed for) during alter call...still feel kinda lost though...left quickly after alter call...anway...to talk abt wat i'm sad abt...is dat yah...again...but guess i'll have to accept the fact...that i'm really not remembered or mayb not regarded as their frens at all liao...i duno lah...mayb its juz the sensitive me again...but yah...i wasnt asked to attend Jinlun's birthday celebration...actually i duno if it's a party or wat...but i somehow noe they are gona celebrate for him after service...i noe i did tell serena during service i gona leave early cos i've got smthg on...but that doesnt mean she canot let me noe...plus i juz found out some1 was even invited to join them but he canot attend...means that it canot be that last evening they actually wana ask mi along but cos noe i've got smthg on...so didnt...but is that they have planned it earlier...but juz didnt include me...my heart is totally shattered...totally...wondering if i shld giv up this frenship...sigh...or guess its juz really gona be a 'hi-bye' frenship liao...a frenship which i really hope to treasure and love... now...juz shattered into pieces...i'm really very sad...i mean yah...yday's sermon was very good...abt us carrying many baggage w us...'Offence', Injustice','Bitterness','Revenge' and one more...afew bags really describes me...and i thought i was set free after going for alter call(though wasnt prayed for though i really needed 1...not noticed again...but nvm...)...but...after i found out that the sum1 was even invited...but i was not even told at all...i was juz so sad...n all those feeling i felt b4 abt them came back...injustice...bitterness...and so on...guess i wasnt really set free at all...sigh...i really duno wat to do...really need God...need God to guide me thru this time...hmmm...but in anyway...i'm really sad...sigh...guess dat 1 incident really caused a huge damage to the frenship...always been wanting to blame that sum1 that if he didnt go tell them i'm sad...or watsoever(i duno wat happened)...all these wldnt have happened...but...yah...shldnt blame him...sigh...anyway...yah...after i left Edge...i took cab to Magdeline's house to Bai Nian...Tracy n Daniel went too...not bad...we chatted quite alot...ate alot...see pics...thereafter i went home...tiring day too...heez...

k lah will stop here...anyway...kinda nervous...cos my TP on Friday morning...really pray hard i will pass this one time...haaz...and yah...i got test on wed...arghh...i duno wat is APB abt man...oh no...essay somemore...sian...
nitez all...

God Bless~

~am i mean?~

hmmm...i feel bad...the issue is bothering me...since juz now...y? cos i feedback to SSDC's management abt an instructor...guess if you have been reading my blog, you shld noe who izzit...it's car 26...sigh...i really have no choice...i really wldnt wana use dat last resort...but...yah...i've used it...u noe it's always dreadful to go for driving lessons, and feeling super unhappy when i see number 26?i will always say short prayers hoping that it will not be car 26...but it always turns out to be him...it happened today too...n it really made me feel the urge to ask whether i can request not to have a certain instructor...cos if it continues to be him...i will sure not be able to learn my driving properly...really...cos i'm always 'quarrelling' with him...n he always think he's rite...n he always confused me of what i've learnt b4...making me even more nervous...afraid i wldnt be able to pass my driving...sigh...actually my intention was only to ask the counter ppl whether is it possible not to have a certain instructor...in the end i was immediately directed to the in-charge of such cases...den really boh bian...i have to tell them...so i gave them the reasons to why i do not want this instructor to teach me...they immediately changed my instructor for me...however, the most kuku thing is that they still gave me the same car (which was supposed to be that instructor's permanent car)...n switched him w another instructor's car...which was just beside...n guess what? he actually experienced many of such feedback cases too...and the car they usually change him with is the other same instructor...sigh...this means that he noes that i complained abt him...very obvious...at first i didnt noe he will noe...but having to remember a look(stare) i saw on this face at me b4 i went into car 26 and he going into the car bside...i realised that he noes...n noe dat it's me...sigh...i really feel bad lor...wonder how will it affect him...i mean at times i can talk to him well...i changed him away so that i can really concentrate n learn well...one thing i cannot stand abt him is his arrogance...always thinking he's rite n stuff...when he's not lah...hmmm...sigh...feel really bad u noe...but yah...no choice...wat's done canot be undone...hmmm...hope this feedback wldnt cause him his job sia...hmm...okok...will stop here...gotta sleep early...tired...nightz to all...

take care n God Bless~

grrrrr!!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!
stupid boss...juz as i thought that he's kinda changed...seldom scold or blame...BUT...grrr...he scolded me for no reason when it's not my fault!!!kaoz...i mean i really dun really know where's the most updated numbers as i'm not handling that...yet he assumes i should know...(someone in his cubicle wana get some numbers...duno he's scared of him or what...)...den he asked to me ask another colleague which is the most updated (since Florence not around)...but he's on the line and i think it's not good to disturb him...so i waited till he hang up the fone b4 approaching him...but my boss called me b4 he hangs up...and scolded me lor...he scolded me in mandarin " why so long haven give me an answer? you see lah, now ppl go off liao. you should know he doesn't like to wait. why everytime ask you to do something you canot do it properly one?"...den i replied " but he's on the line wat!" den he said " y canot juz ask him? only awhile wat!" den...he goes on scolding and blaming me, den slammed the fone! grrr...angry lor...hey it's not my fault lor...and he's so contradicting! this morning...or any other time, i wanted him to confirm with me whether the report can be distributed (he muz vet thru first)...den he scolded me " can't you see i'm bz? u always choose the wrong time to find me"...i mean...everything he does it correct and muz be answered immediately...but watever we do is wrong...shit lah...angry...so unfair lor...grrr...
hmmm...sian lah...duno wat to sae...so angry liao...
but in any way, i really muz thank God for His faithfulness...how He really see me thru...remember i've blogged about how He answered my prayers and that i have to go on and stay in this current job? i was really unwilling...but i will still follow God's plan though...i really followed, though in my heart really wonder how am i to take all the crap at work...but God, being so faithful...really blessed me all the way since the time i deciced to follow His way...the following Monday, after the saturday's vision, i went to work with a heavy heart...but my boss on mc...i was so happy lah!...den the next day, he's back...but from that day onwards, tho' he's still scolding at times, the number of times i got scolded is really v little...me and some other colleagues were kinda shocked lah...but he really talked to us nicely...but 1 thing is also cos he got high blood pressure...so it's not good for him to get angry...but it's really unexpected that his temper changed quite alot lor...Praise the Lord for being so wonderful and never load us with things beyond our limits!...heez...but den again...my boss is kinda mad juz now...sigh...but really poor me lah...got scolded for things which doesn't concern me...sigh...

anyway gotta go back to work...byeeeee...

God Bless~

~where's my light feeling?~

sigh...yeah...last night was posting abt me feeling lighter after receiving God's direction...but today, i felt weary n burdened again...i really duno y sia...every now and den i really feel like crying...feeling v troubled...n yet i do not know what i'm troubled about...this feeling sucks...however, when i'm distracted, esp when i'm playing with the kids, i can feel much happier...but when i'm alone or wat...the unhappy feeling keeps on haunting me...sigh...esp after duty (helping out at 3-6yrs group), i went up...only spoke to some...but den again...every1 are engrossed amongst themselves...felt i wasnt in the right place at that time, so i left first...headed down to Sembawang...Shawn (my classmate) has organized a house warming session for some of us classmates...we had steamboat for lunch...not bad...filling too...den we played card games...the person with the lowest card will drink the whole glass of green tea or water...den to wine (luckily onli drank abit of wine)...i drank alot for water and green tea...but the whole session was fun...me,grace, n bee wei left first...that is why i'm home now...the rest are still playing...sigh...kinda sad...cos my dad...duno what's wrong with him...he n his 'i'm always right' thinking...i mean i early in the morning already told my mum i will be attending house warming at sembawang...so gotta let me know where they will be having dinner at...den i called home ard 5pm...my dad answered...i told him i'm at sembawang...den wat's the plan...den he got angry...saying that if i wana join them for dinner, i should have already gone home first...hey come on, i've already informed my mum...yet he's so unreasonable...den he got angry with me for always being out...cos on fri n sat i was out till 12am...but at least i always tell ppl that i'm always not free on sundays evening cos i wana spend time w my family...but he doesnt understand...he doesnt care...meaning that we muz follow according to what he wants...i think it's stupid lah...really...times have changed lah...i mean i did take time out to spend time at home...yet he's always complaining...n for this past few weeks i didn't go home early is cos i've gotta OT n have classes...but...he NEVER understands...i'm always wrong...grrr...fed up...but i gave up arguing anyway...usually just let him scold...n get done w it...he gets angry easily...always...n it's really irritating...reminds mi of my boss...kaoz...
anyway, i left Shawn's place early...but i decided not to join them for dinner...first i'm full...second, i dowana see his black face...so rather stay home...rest...n try to get some work done...got lots to do..not only work...but also sch work...sigh...stress...but i still have to bear with it...hmmm...anyway...i know very well my dad cares...that's y he's like dat...but...i feel that he shldnt be so rigid...pls lah...dun keep having those traditional thinking lah...if u wan us to learn from life, let us go through what we shouldnt go through and learn from it...sigh...really duno what he wants...n i guess i cant fulfil wat he wants...sigh...

anyway will stop here...
take care...God Bless~

~Lord, I heard you!~

I felt the huge burden off my shoulder...really...really felt so light now...hopefully i dun go and think so much again though...but i juz really wana sae that the Lord is just so faithful...He's awesome...really...the message came to me quite unexpectedly...esp after i thought someone had already shared a testimony that God is speaking to us...wanting to paint a pic in our minds and spiritual being abt His love(if i didnt recall wrongly)...
today i've been seeking God the whole day again...asking for directions...cos i'm really sad abt it...i juz did my usual thingy on sat...early morning giv tuition...den head down to office get smthg and did some work...den head off to Edge for duty(cafe) and svc...actually was kinda tired already...so actually during sermon i was half awake...and there's a time where we were supposed to close our eyes n meditate upon the Lord...i really fell asleep!haaz...but i woke up suddenly...n gave thanks to the Lord...and the song that they played...was like(the lyrics) so directed to me...den awhile later, a guy went up to share abt wat God spoke to him...at first i was hoping that mayb God can speak through him to me...but the message was not really directed to my prayers abt directions...den we continued singing...i still gave thanks to the Lord anyway...for He's just so great...den again...Jeremy told us that Simon Tan had another testimony to share of what God spoke to him...he first started off by saying that it was something that he felt that the Lord wanted him to say this message to someone...but do not know who...and goes on by saying that he had a vision where he saw someone driving in a car...and came to a place where he/she do not know where to go next...whether to turn left or right...the driver had a hard decision...but the Lord told this person to Go Straight...continue to Go Straight...do not turn left or right...trust in Him...at that point of time...when i heard this...i just immediately broke down into tears...i really felt that this is the answer God is answering me for my directions in my work...the Lord is just so faithful! He answered my prayers...soon after the crying, i really felt a load off me...really...i really didn't expect i could get an answer since someone had already shared...it's v seldom that there's such vision from God to someone to us...i mean there are...but not frequent...plus it's twice for this time...n i really know that it's God telling me something...really grateful to the Lord...
although the way of going straight is not something i wanted...but...i accept it and will follow what God has planned for me...i know that He knows what's best for me...and i will follow it though it will be hard on me...but i know that if i follow faithfully, the Lord will bless me abundantly...I Trust in Him...i put my whole trust in Him for not only my work, but also my family, friends, and studies...Thank you Lord...
and Lord, i learned that we need not earn for your love for us...cos we already have it...all along...and will not be gone...Thank you Lord...

*it's great to hang out with the youths! Region 7&8 youths! all of u are AWESOME!*
*Thanks Jean for talking to me in the bus...had a great talk with u!*

k will stop here...will either sleep or do some work...brought it home...got alot sia...

take care
God Bless~

~frustrated!~

sigh...feeling down...really down...sad...sad till now i'm drowning myself with work...though i getting to hate it more and more...i really duno wat to do...asked God for answers...but i can't hear...guess i din try hard enough...
when i heard the news...i juz kept quiet...while in my mind, many things are bombarding wat i'm thinking...thinking abt wat's the point of staying when there are so much changes in the structure of work...thinking y i'm always being pushed here n there at work(meaning i keep changing team n changing supervisors but job scope somehow the same)...i'm...i'm juz sick of it...ARGHHHHH!!!...i'm sooo angry...but wat can i do?i can't say anything...dun have any say though...the best i can do is just quit...but...wat about my (maybe) promotion? wat abt my variable bonus? should i wait? or should i juz go? i do not have my degree yet...how to get a better job? it's difficult...really...but...i really duno wat to do...i broke down...literally broke down in the toilet...and keep asking God WHY...didnt get an answer...i'm tired...really tired...i love my job...but...i'm tired...i really duno wat to do...all i can do now is wait for God's direction...but i'm afraid...afraid i canot take it anymore...but...i should really put my faith in Him...i shouldnt have doubts...sigh...guess it's so...but juz sad...every now and then. when i think abt this thing...i really juz wana break down n cry again...sigh...
*Lord, i Need you*

*felt bad not attending the wake today (also for net too there)...but i dowan my bad mood to affect the rest...*

take care n God Bless~

~life is just so...~

Unexpected...Fragile...
yah...those are true...but i would like to add in something about life...though it's unexpected and/or fragile, i would like to share with you people that life is eternal, IF we know the Lord, If we receive salvation, If we believe and trust in Him...
life now in this world, is only temporary...it's just a short period for us to go thru many tests and experience different kinds of circumstances, to suffer or to sacrifice (for God), and also to do the Will of God by spreading His Good News...bringing awareness to the people around the world so that all of us can be saved, and move on to eternity...eternity with the Lord...But...one thing for sure is that we have to accept Him as our Lord and saviour, say the sinner's prayer...however, more must be done, such as doing His will...follow what He has planned for us, as He is our creator...
accepting and believing in the Lord leads us to receiving His unconditional love...a kind of love that no one else other than He can give us...and we got to know that Nothing is impossible for Him...He is the Alpha and the Omega...
for your info, I love the Lord more than any others...He is the top priority in my life...n not only that i love Him soo much...i fear Him as much too...this is the kind of feeling(duno what word to use) we should have...i fear Him so much so that i am willing to follow His will...i can proudly say that without the Lord, i wouldn't be here...really...i really thank God with all my heart how He created me, though with some things complicated, but...He loves me so much that He does not want me to suffer and wants me to grow up in a normal family...many many years ago...even long before i was born...He had already planned for my life and had in His mind to create me...His plans for my life till now are just so wonderful that i really thank Him that if my life was gone through in another way, things wouldn't be the same...i might not even be here thanking the Lord...the Lord is always blessing me in my life...i've received countless blessings from Him and i am really grateful to Him...and He never forsake us...He is always there and always there to answer our prayers...ALL of us are His creation...and we are NOT a mistake to be created...each and every one of our lives has a purpose in it...it is only whether we want to accept it or not...
i do admit i always complain about my life...this and that...and even to the extent of questioning God y am i created...y am i in this world...cos i'm angry with some areas of my life...i repent...i took back my words saying all those stuffs...as we should only and only believe in God that everything that happened in our lives have a purpose and reasons to why all these happen...i dare say that even with God in our lives, life will still not be easy...as it is not written in the Bible that life will be easy after we accept Christ...if life is just so easy, all of us will be taking the Lord for granted instead...in life, there are bound to be ups and downs...experiences gone through...and even sacrifices made...many are tests given to us by God...to test our Faith...sometimes we fall...but sometimes after a great fall, we learn from it, and stand up ourselves and continue to serve God...but sad to say, for some, they fall and never came back...i really thank God that i have frens who fall and came back with even more fire in them...but...i'm sad for some who fell but refused to acknowledge the grace of God once again...this group of people will always be in my prayer list...
i,myself fell many times(not many or even none knowing)...sometimes refusing to stand up...but will eventually stand up slowly especially when i experience breakthroughs...dun even noe if they are breakthroughs...cos it's always short term...den i will fall again...but my love for God is always so strong...juz that something is pulling me away from Him...and i did not take much effort in walking towards God even though i really want to...really...i really want to have a close close close relationship with God...but i just don't know why...the fire usually lit is only for awhile...and it will die down...but lit up again....and die down...i really hope n pray that it will be lit up...and continue burning and burning...i really want that...but i will and am trying my best...
*Lord, pls forgive me for neglecting you at times and not spending more time with you...forgive me for only looking for you when i'm in need...and sometimes not even turning to you first when i need to talk to someone...Lord, i now pray for forgiveness...and Lord, i pray that you will always be around to guide me thru, and allow me to have the determination to keep on seeking in you and getting closer to you more each day. Lord i thank you and i praise you.
Amen!*

anyway...i digressed too much...actually wat i wana sae abt life being so fragile n unexpected is when i heard a v sad yet happy news abt a youth from my church...the sad thing is that something happened and he passed away...but...the happy thing is that he is now with the Lord...living an eternal life...where all of us will be one day...i'm happy that he accepted the Lord...and now is able to be up in heaven...happily with the Lord...Amen!
but when i know abt the news, i was in total shock...tears juz rolled down my eyes...i do admit i do not know much abt him...juz talked to him at times hoping that he feels part of us...but there are always regrets in life...regrets of y we didnt do our best to know a person more, love them more, and only to realise it when something happen...sigh......oh yah...God did a great miracle in him in his life too...the Lord is juz so amazing...
anyway will stop here...really thank God for being in my life...I Love you Lord...
thank you Lord for each and every thing or person you've put in my life...and Lord, some things in terms of my family's salvation, my work (need directions), my studies, and last but not least, my frens, i hand it all to you Lord...for i trust in you...i know u know what's best for me,,,you will never give me the second best...you will never shortchange me...you will give me the best...Thank you Lord...

take care all of you...sorry for the long long post...hope it enlightens you...the Lord is good...
God Bless~

~sad sia...~

sigh....aiyo...duno y i always SIGH in many of my entries...sigh...hahahhaa...
sad lor...cos i've juz forgone an opportunity to go Hong Kong FOC and everything sponsored by my dad...but is to go about immediately..within these few days i think...cos gotta be a representative as my Aunty's father-in-law pass away...but...i couldnt even bear to stop my work(take leave) and go for the trip...my dad challenged me to go...but...but...i UNWILLINGLY declined...sigh...so sad right?i mean i am entitled to take leaves...but...i juz cant leave my work like dat...juz cant let my colleagues bear the burden n responsibilities of my work...and i know i still have lots to do...sigh...actually there are many stuff i could have finished quite some time ago...but i really hate it...the thought of me not being able to finish them makes me sad...and the reason i'm not able to finish them is cos of my boss!!!he keeps on making me waste ALOT of my time doing al his shit...i mean they are stuffs i shld be doing...but...if he could be more patient in allocating work...dun keep scolding and doing last min changes...make up his mind well...much time will not be wasted! really...i cant stand it lor...sometimes really wonder how he climbs up to what his position is now...it's really...i duno how to sae lah...and now i'm totally stuck with sooo many of my work...how can i ever go on leave? unless i really leave...sigh...wat shld i do? actually do have some job offers intro-ed by frens...really wonder shld i go or not...should i just forgo the variable bonus?should i just really find a job which do not require me to spend so much time in office, so that at least i can really concentrate on my last few modules of my course? i really do not wish to fail...i really longed for this graduation for very long...i canot take the risk to fail any...nowadays i've been OT-ing and really missed out alot on lessons...what should i do?i canot go on like this...SIGH...


*Lord, i now pray to you. I pray for directions in my life, what I should do, what decisions should i make. Lord, i hand it all to you, for i know you know what is BEST for me.
Lord, I thank you and i praise you.
In Jesus mighty Name,
Amen!*

guess will stop here

take gd care al of ya!
God Bless~

~arghhhh~

I AM STILL IN OFFICE!!!!!!!

my boss lah...dun let me go!!! want to change this and that...sigh...so sad...missed church service just now which started at 7.30pm...sigh...he's FULL of CHANGES lor...change this and that...at first thought 7plus can be done and i can rush down for my church service...BUT...he dun allow me to leave!!!!! oh i'm juz soooo angry!!! sigh...life's tough...i mean just now earlier in the day, the way he treated me....i tell you...i really wana QUIT!!!but...aiya...i also duno how to say lah...i duno wat to do now...SIGH....
k he's shouting for me already...ciaozzz...

*btw...yesterday on half day MC...my right eye was 'bandaged' after seeing doc in the morning (and i still went office after that to work till 2plus - my boss lah...so many things to do)...my eye was infected again...so decided to do a small surgery on my eye...my doc used a needle to prick the infected part and extracted out the pus...though the 'pimple look-a-like' thingy looks small...we never expect that it was even worse inside...luckily i did the surgery...should be on MC today too...but i chose to come and work instead...got too many things to do...see now...still got to OT till so late...sigh...

take care n God Bless~

~sigh...i'm right...~

YAWNZZZ!!!
yah...back not long ago...sigh...really tired...n yup...i'm right...i OT-ed today den went to class...it's making me really tired...i mean i actually was preparing to go off...but! my boss lah...keep asking do this n dat...doing those cashplus p&l with budget...sick of it man...really tired...Wednesday i'm usually bz with my weekly stuff...but he took up more than half my day juz to do his stuff...where in between he will chit chat here n there w others...n expect me to wait for him...den when i got the time to continue with my own reports...he will haunt me for his stuff...i mean...hey...if everything is impt, den which shld i do first?my weekly report is impt...if i nv finish, he will scold and say y i'm slow...but he's pestering me for his other stuff where i've already done out nicely for him...really duno wat he wants...grrrr...and just now was already 7.30pm already and he's demanding me to find out the cause of y the numbers do not tie with the system...explained to him already...still dun listen! angry lor...sigh...i missed impt parts of my lecture again...yesterday already missed...today again...sigh...i really duno how sia...really worried will fail...this term's modules are really difficult...sigh...*worried*
anyway...i brought work home to do...i noe i wldnt be able to do them at all with my boss around wasting my time...and now my eye is more pain than this morning...sigh...hopefully tmr will be fine...sigh...really tired...duno how much more can i take it...
*Lord, i need You!~*

k i'll stop here...
take care n God Bless~~~

~so bz sia~

arghh~ it's so tough man...juggling with work n studies...i mean i should complain this like more than 2yrs ago...but guess i complain now is cos it's juz so tough...mayb this period of time is very bz time...my boss...once again took up nearly more than half of my working day...leaving me with soo little time to complete my stuff...didnt get to complete them anyway...cos i gotta spend time helping out with the quarterly presentation stuff...'book binding' again...more than 20 booklets with abt 100pages for each booklet...sigh...my mind now is continuously worrying abt work...i.e. wat i shld do tmr...which should i do first...i mean most imptly i've got to do my weekly report...which takes up quite alot of time already...den i guess my boss is gona haunt me again...sigh...duno if i'm able to finish my work again...OT-ed today...till 8plus...late for class which was supposed to start at 7pm...practically missed the whole lesson...sigh...*worried*...stress sia...this term both modules are kinda difficult...and esp for assignments...oh no...duno how sia...hmmm...
oh no! i'm still thinking abt work!!! abt wat format shld i change some reports to...this n dat...oh no!!! guess tmr i gona OT again and miss lesson liao...hmmm...
*praying to keep myself calm*

ok will stop here...might be going to lalaland soon...

take care
God Bless~