~everything i do...~

is always wrong and not appropriate...so sad...sometimes i juz really wana see ppl happy...but yet...before i can do things that made ppl happy, i get 'not so good' comments abt it...it really hurts...cos i'm v sad that watever i wana do or decided,ppl always think it's not good or wat...really sad lor...guess this is why i've always never like making decision...i really never like it...i also never liked organizing things as i'm afraid it might not go well...many stuffs...yah ppl may say cos i didnt think before making the decision, or my decision aren't good...but...each of us have different thinkings...mayb i did think before i decide...but wat i think is right is not wat u think is right...den again...usually, if one say it's no good...some others might 'follow' or agree...some might not...sigh...i duno...all these really made me to hate making decisions...den when i dun make decisions, ppl will say i'm indecisive...SIGH...when will i be right???!!!sometimes i really juz want things to be peaceful where there r no quarrels or watsoever...but it won't...but wat i usually try to do is to keep quiet or 'agree'...juz like when ppl make 'not very nice' comments abt me...sometimes i juz smile it off...or maybe agree...or juz keep quiet...cos i dowana create trouble though i really dun like it at all...i dowana affect frenships...i've encountered failed ones recently...i dowan anymore...i dowana lose frens or ppl ard me...sigh...wat shld i do???sigh...Lord, how should i go abt in handling such things?

anyway gotta work...byee...

God Bless~

~back to fill my blog~

hi all...paiseh hadnt been updating my blog for nearly 2 weeks...anyway...not many ppl read cos not many ppl noe of my changed blog add...so it's ok lah...hmmm...been bz over the past 2 weeks though...but recently was the Chinese New Year...not a bad 1 this yr though...cos relatives from Beijing and Hong Kong are back...missed the kids alot~...glad to see them...but sad that they went back liao...hmmm...aiya lazy to blog abt the past 2 weeks...will juz sae wat happened these 2 days ba...
juz came home abt an hr ago...today is a bz day...early in the morning i prepared myself for church class and church service...went down to futsing...den found out i was at the wrong place...supposed to be at clan association...sigh...nearly gave up going church for today cos it's juz so troublesome...but in the end was persuaded to go...den i went over to aljunied to wait for church bus...the bus didnt come too...some miscomm...we took cabby down...i even missed class...arghh...sigh...den the next 2 wks i gona miss class too cos got sch weekend class...duno if i shld skip morning class n attend church class...hmmm...see how ba...hmmm...after service i went lunch w winnie n family...didnt join the 'other' youths...they seem bz amongst themselves(sigh)...so i left with winnie...after lunch i went home...den awhile later went out w my family to meet up my other relatives for dinner...ate quite alot...even saw Priscillia Chen(Zheng Shi Mei) and her bf (duno wat name)...and one of their fsmily...after dinner went over to my dad's fren house...den home...hmmm...tired...oh yah...Happy Birthday Jin Lun and Jiin Rong~~~
yesterday was also a bz day for me too...but kinda sad abt in the evening and even juz now when i found out smthg...anyway...i woke up super early on sat...cos i changed tuition time to 9am instead of 930am cos i gotta go off early...i took cab down to Masonic Club @Coleman Street...my classmate's ROM...didnt get to see the solemnization cos i was late...so only went for the lunch...thereafter went to do some catch up with ex classmates n classmate(from my uni)...den headed down to Edge after i got something for Jinlun...actually been thinking of wat to get for him for v long...but still duno...so in the end bought Timberland's voucher for him...hope he uses it...went to The Edge...sermon was good...somehow of a breakthrough...but sad...sad cos i wasnt ministered to(or prayed for) during alter call...still feel kinda lost though...left quickly after alter call...anway...to talk abt wat i'm sad abt...is dat yah...again...but guess i'll have to accept the fact...that i'm really not remembered or mayb not regarded as their frens at all liao...i duno lah...mayb its juz the sensitive me again...but yah...i wasnt asked to attend Jinlun's birthday celebration...actually i duno if it's a party or wat...but i somehow noe they are gona celebrate for him after service...i noe i did tell serena during service i gona leave early cos i've got smthg on...but that doesnt mean she canot let me noe...plus i juz found out some1 was even invited to join them but he canot attend...means that it canot be that last evening they actually wana ask mi along but cos noe i've got smthg on...so didnt...but is that they have planned it earlier...but juz didnt include me...my heart is totally shattered...totally...wondering if i shld giv up this frenship...sigh...or guess its juz really gona be a 'hi-bye' frenship liao...a frenship which i really hope to treasure and love... now...juz shattered into pieces...i'm really very sad...i mean yah...yday's sermon was very good...abt us carrying many baggage w us...'Offence', Injustice','Bitterness','Revenge' and one more...afew bags really describes me...and i thought i was set free after going for alter call(though wasnt prayed for though i really needed 1...not noticed again...but nvm...)...but...after i found out that the sum1 was even invited...but i was not even told at all...i was juz so sad...n all those feeling i felt b4 abt them came back...injustice...bitterness...and so on...guess i wasnt really set free at all...sigh...i really duno wat to do...really need God...need God to guide me thru this time...hmmm...but in anyway...i'm really sad...sigh...guess dat 1 incident really caused a huge damage to the frenship...always been wanting to blame that sum1 that if he didnt go tell them i'm sad...or watsoever(i duno wat happened)...all these wldnt have happened...but...yah...shldnt blame him...sigh...anyway...yah...after i left Edge...i took cab to Magdeline's house to Bai Nian...Tracy n Daniel went too...not bad...we chatted quite alot...ate alot...see pics...thereafter i went home...tiring day too...heez...

k lah will stop here...anyway...kinda nervous...cos my TP on Friday morning...really pray hard i will pass this one time...haaz...and yah...i got test on wed...arghh...i duno wat is APB abt man...oh no...essay somemore...sian...
nitez all...

God Bless~

~am i mean?~

hmmm...i feel bad...the issue is bothering me...since juz now...y? cos i feedback to SSDC's management abt an instructor...guess if you have been reading my blog, you shld noe who izzit...it's car 26...sigh...i really have no choice...i really wldnt wana use dat last resort...but...yah...i've used it...u noe it's always dreadful to go for driving lessons, and feeling super unhappy when i see number 26?i will always say short prayers hoping that it will not be car 26...but it always turns out to be him...it happened today too...n it really made me feel the urge to ask whether i can request not to have a certain instructor...cos if it continues to be him...i will sure not be able to learn my driving properly...really...cos i'm always 'quarrelling' with him...n he always think he's rite...n he always confused me of what i've learnt b4...making me even more nervous...afraid i wldnt be able to pass my driving...sigh...actually my intention was only to ask the counter ppl whether is it possible not to have a certain instructor...in the end i was immediately directed to the in-charge of such cases...den really boh bian...i have to tell them...so i gave them the reasons to why i do not want this instructor to teach me...they immediately changed my instructor for me...however, the most kuku thing is that they still gave me the same car (which was supposed to be that instructor's permanent car)...n switched him w another instructor's car...which was just beside...n guess what? he actually experienced many of such feedback cases too...and the car they usually change him with is the other same instructor...sigh...this means that he noes that i complained abt him...very obvious...at first i didnt noe he will noe...but having to remember a look(stare) i saw on this face at me b4 i went into car 26 and he going into the car bside...i realised that he noes...n noe dat it's me...sigh...i really feel bad lor...wonder how will it affect him...i mean at times i can talk to him well...i changed him away so that i can really concentrate n learn well...one thing i cannot stand abt him is his arrogance...always thinking he's rite n stuff...when he's not lah...hmmm...sigh...feel really bad u noe...but yah...no choice...wat's done canot be undone...hmmm...hope this feedback wldnt cause him his job sia...hmm...okok...will stop here...gotta sleep early...tired...nightz to all...

take care n God Bless~

grrrrr!!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!
stupid boss...juz as i thought that he's kinda changed...seldom scold or blame...BUT...grrr...he scolded me for no reason when it's not my fault!!!kaoz...i mean i really dun really know where's the most updated numbers as i'm not handling that...yet he assumes i should know...(someone in his cubicle wana get some numbers...duno he's scared of him or what...)...den he asked to me ask another colleague which is the most updated (since Florence not around)...but he's on the line and i think it's not good to disturb him...so i waited till he hang up the fone b4 approaching him...but my boss called me b4 he hangs up...and scolded me lor...he scolded me in mandarin " why so long haven give me an answer? you see lah, now ppl go off liao. you should know he doesn't like to wait. why everytime ask you to do something you canot do it properly one?"...den i replied " but he's on the line wat!" den he said " y canot juz ask him? only awhile wat!" den...he goes on scolding and blaming me, den slammed the fone! grrr...angry lor...hey it's not my fault lor...and he's so contradicting! this morning...or any other time, i wanted him to confirm with me whether the report can be distributed (he muz vet thru first)...den he scolded me " can't you see i'm bz? u always choose the wrong time to find me"...i mean...everything he does it correct and muz be answered immediately...but watever we do is wrong...shit lah...angry...so unfair lor...grrr...
hmmm...sian lah...duno wat to sae...so angry liao...
but in any way, i really muz thank God for His faithfulness...how He really see me thru...remember i've blogged about how He answered my prayers and that i have to go on and stay in this current job? i was really unwilling...but i will still follow God's plan though...i really followed, though in my heart really wonder how am i to take all the crap at work...but God, being so faithful...really blessed me all the way since the time i deciced to follow His way...the following Monday, after the saturday's vision, i went to work with a heavy heart...but my boss on mc...i was so happy lah!...den the next day, he's back...but from that day onwards, tho' he's still scolding at times, the number of times i got scolded is really v little...me and some other colleagues were kinda shocked lah...but he really talked to us nicely...but 1 thing is also cos he got high blood pressure...so it's not good for him to get angry...but it's really unexpected that his temper changed quite alot lor...Praise the Lord for being so wonderful and never load us with things beyond our limits!...heez...but den again...my boss is kinda mad juz now...sigh...but really poor me lah...got scolded for things which doesn't concern me...sigh...

anyway gotta go back to work...byeeeee...

God Bless~

~where's my light feeling?~

sigh...yeah...last night was posting abt me feeling lighter after receiving God's direction...but today, i felt weary n burdened again...i really duno y sia...every now and den i really feel like crying...feeling v troubled...n yet i do not know what i'm troubled about...this feeling sucks...however, when i'm distracted, esp when i'm playing with the kids, i can feel much happier...but when i'm alone or wat...the unhappy feeling keeps on haunting me...sigh...esp after duty (helping out at 3-6yrs group), i went up...only spoke to some...but den again...every1 are engrossed amongst themselves...felt i wasnt in the right place at that time, so i left first...headed down to Sembawang...Shawn (my classmate) has organized a house warming session for some of us classmates...we had steamboat for lunch...not bad...filling too...den we played card games...the person with the lowest card will drink the whole glass of green tea or water...den to wine (luckily onli drank abit of wine)...i drank alot for water and green tea...but the whole session was fun...me,grace, n bee wei left first...that is why i'm home now...the rest are still playing...sigh...kinda sad...cos my dad...duno what's wrong with him...he n his 'i'm always right' thinking...i mean i early in the morning already told my mum i will be attending house warming at sembawang...so gotta let me know where they will be having dinner at...den i called home ard 5pm...my dad answered...i told him i'm at sembawang...den wat's the plan...den he got angry...saying that if i wana join them for dinner, i should have already gone home first...hey come on, i've already informed my mum...yet he's so unreasonable...den he got angry with me for always being out...cos on fri n sat i was out till 12am...but at least i always tell ppl that i'm always not free on sundays evening cos i wana spend time w my family...but he doesnt understand...he doesnt care...meaning that we muz follow according to what he wants...i think it's stupid lah...really...times have changed lah...i mean i did take time out to spend time at home...yet he's always complaining...n for this past few weeks i didn't go home early is cos i've gotta OT n have classes...but...he NEVER understands...i'm always wrong...grrr...fed up...but i gave up arguing anyway...usually just let him scold...n get done w it...he gets angry easily...always...n it's really irritating...reminds mi of my boss...kaoz...
anyway, i left Shawn's place early...but i decided not to join them for dinner...first i'm full...second, i dowana see his black face...so rather stay home...rest...n try to get some work done...got lots to do..not only work...but also sch work...sigh...stress...but i still have to bear with it...hmmm...anyway...i know very well my dad cares...that's y he's like dat...but...i feel that he shldnt be so rigid...pls lah...dun keep having those traditional thinking lah...if u wan us to learn from life, let us go through what we shouldnt go through and learn from it...sigh...really duno what he wants...n i guess i cant fulfil wat he wants...sigh...

anyway will stop here...
take care...God Bless~

~Lord, I heard you!~

I felt the huge burden off my shoulder...really...really felt so light now...hopefully i dun go and think so much again though...but i juz really wana sae that the Lord is just so faithful...He's awesome...really...the message came to me quite unexpectedly...esp after i thought someone had already shared a testimony that God is speaking to us...wanting to paint a pic in our minds and spiritual being abt His love(if i didnt recall wrongly)...
today i've been seeking God the whole day again...asking for directions...cos i'm really sad abt it...i juz did my usual thingy on sat...early morning giv tuition...den head down to office get smthg and did some work...den head off to Edge for duty(cafe) and svc...actually was kinda tired already...so actually during sermon i was half awake...and there's a time where we were supposed to close our eyes n meditate upon the Lord...i really fell asleep!haaz...but i woke up suddenly...n gave thanks to the Lord...and the song that they played...was like(the lyrics) so directed to me...den awhile later, a guy went up to share abt wat God spoke to him...at first i was hoping that mayb God can speak through him to me...but the message was not really directed to my prayers abt directions...den we continued singing...i still gave thanks to the Lord anyway...for He's just so great...den again...Jeremy told us that Simon Tan had another testimony to share of what God spoke to him...he first started off by saying that it was something that he felt that the Lord wanted him to say this message to someone...but do not know who...and goes on by saying that he had a vision where he saw someone driving in a car...and came to a place where he/she do not know where to go next...whether to turn left or right...the driver had a hard decision...but the Lord told this person to Go Straight...continue to Go Straight...do not turn left or right...trust in Him...at that point of time...when i heard this...i just immediately broke down into tears...i really felt that this is the answer God is answering me for my directions in my work...the Lord is just so faithful! He answered my prayers...soon after the crying, i really felt a load off me...really...i really didn't expect i could get an answer since someone had already shared...it's v seldom that there's such vision from God to someone to us...i mean there are...but not frequent...plus it's twice for this time...n i really know that it's God telling me something...really grateful to the Lord...
although the way of going straight is not something i wanted...but...i accept it and will follow what God has planned for me...i know that He knows what's best for me...and i will follow it though it will be hard on me...but i know that if i follow faithfully, the Lord will bless me abundantly...I Trust in Him...i put my whole trust in Him for not only my work, but also my family, friends, and studies...Thank you Lord...
and Lord, i learned that we need not earn for your love for us...cos we already have it...all along...and will not be gone...Thank you Lord...

*it's great to hang out with the youths! Region 7&8 youths! all of u are AWESOME!*
*Thanks Jean for talking to me in the bus...had a great talk with u!*

k will stop here...will either sleep or do some work...brought it home...got alot sia...

take care
God Bless~

~frustrated!~

sigh...feeling down...really down...sad...sad till now i'm drowning myself with work...though i getting to hate it more and more...i really duno wat to do...asked God for answers...but i can't hear...guess i din try hard enough...
when i heard the news...i juz kept quiet...while in my mind, many things are bombarding wat i'm thinking...thinking abt wat's the point of staying when there are so much changes in the structure of work...thinking y i'm always being pushed here n there at work(meaning i keep changing team n changing supervisors but job scope somehow the same)...i'm...i'm juz sick of it...ARGHHHHH!!!...i'm sooo angry...but wat can i do?i can't say anything...dun have any say though...the best i can do is just quit...but...wat about my (maybe) promotion? wat abt my variable bonus? should i wait? or should i juz go? i do not have my degree yet...how to get a better job? it's difficult...really...but...i really duno wat to do...i broke down...literally broke down in the toilet...and keep asking God WHY...didnt get an answer...i'm tired...really tired...i love my job...but...i'm tired...i really duno wat to do...all i can do now is wait for God's direction...but i'm afraid...afraid i canot take it anymore...but...i should really put my faith in Him...i shouldnt have doubts...sigh...guess it's so...but juz sad...every now and then. when i think abt this thing...i really juz wana break down n cry again...sigh...
*Lord, i Need you*

*felt bad not attending the wake today (also for net too there)...but i dowan my bad mood to affect the rest...*

take care n God Bless~

~life is just so...~

Unexpected...Fragile...
yah...those are true...but i would like to add in something about life...though it's unexpected and/or fragile, i would like to share with you people that life is eternal, IF we know the Lord, If we receive salvation, If we believe and trust in Him...
life now in this world, is only temporary...it's just a short period for us to go thru many tests and experience different kinds of circumstances, to suffer or to sacrifice (for God), and also to do the Will of God by spreading His Good News...bringing awareness to the people around the world so that all of us can be saved, and move on to eternity...eternity with the Lord...But...one thing for sure is that we have to accept Him as our Lord and saviour, say the sinner's prayer...however, more must be done, such as doing His will...follow what He has planned for us, as He is our creator...
accepting and believing in the Lord leads us to receiving His unconditional love...a kind of love that no one else other than He can give us...and we got to know that Nothing is impossible for Him...He is the Alpha and the Omega...
for your info, I love the Lord more than any others...He is the top priority in my life...n not only that i love Him soo much...i fear Him as much too...this is the kind of feeling(duno what word to use) we should have...i fear Him so much so that i am willing to follow His will...i can proudly say that without the Lord, i wouldn't be here...really...i really thank God with all my heart how He created me, though with some things complicated, but...He loves me so much that He does not want me to suffer and wants me to grow up in a normal family...many many years ago...even long before i was born...He had already planned for my life and had in His mind to create me...His plans for my life till now are just so wonderful that i really thank Him that if my life was gone through in another way, things wouldn't be the same...i might not even be here thanking the Lord...the Lord is always blessing me in my life...i've received countless blessings from Him and i am really grateful to Him...and He never forsake us...He is always there and always there to answer our prayers...ALL of us are His creation...and we are NOT a mistake to be created...each and every one of our lives has a purpose in it...it is only whether we want to accept it or not...
i do admit i always complain about my life...this and that...and even to the extent of questioning God y am i created...y am i in this world...cos i'm angry with some areas of my life...i repent...i took back my words saying all those stuffs...as we should only and only believe in God that everything that happened in our lives have a purpose and reasons to why all these happen...i dare say that even with God in our lives, life will still not be easy...as it is not written in the Bible that life will be easy after we accept Christ...if life is just so easy, all of us will be taking the Lord for granted instead...in life, there are bound to be ups and downs...experiences gone through...and even sacrifices made...many are tests given to us by God...to test our Faith...sometimes we fall...but sometimes after a great fall, we learn from it, and stand up ourselves and continue to serve God...but sad to say, for some, they fall and never came back...i really thank God that i have frens who fall and came back with even more fire in them...but...i'm sad for some who fell but refused to acknowledge the grace of God once again...this group of people will always be in my prayer list...
i,myself fell many times(not many or even none knowing)...sometimes refusing to stand up...but will eventually stand up slowly especially when i experience breakthroughs...dun even noe if they are breakthroughs...cos it's always short term...den i will fall again...but my love for God is always so strong...juz that something is pulling me away from Him...and i did not take much effort in walking towards God even though i really want to...really...i really want to have a close close close relationship with God...but i just don't know why...the fire usually lit is only for awhile...and it will die down...but lit up again....and die down...i really hope n pray that it will be lit up...and continue burning and burning...i really want that...but i will and am trying my best...
*Lord, pls forgive me for neglecting you at times and not spending more time with you...forgive me for only looking for you when i'm in need...and sometimes not even turning to you first when i need to talk to someone...Lord, i now pray for forgiveness...and Lord, i pray that you will always be around to guide me thru, and allow me to have the determination to keep on seeking in you and getting closer to you more each day. Lord i thank you and i praise you.
Amen!*

anyway...i digressed too much...actually wat i wana sae abt life being so fragile n unexpected is when i heard a v sad yet happy news abt a youth from my church...the sad thing is that something happened and he passed away...but...the happy thing is that he is now with the Lord...living an eternal life...where all of us will be one day...i'm happy that he accepted the Lord...and now is able to be up in heaven...happily with the Lord...Amen!
but when i know abt the news, i was in total shock...tears juz rolled down my eyes...i do admit i do not know much abt him...juz talked to him at times hoping that he feels part of us...but there are always regrets in life...regrets of y we didnt do our best to know a person more, love them more, and only to realise it when something happen...sigh......oh yah...God did a great miracle in him in his life too...the Lord is juz so amazing...
anyway will stop here...really thank God for being in my life...I Love you Lord...
thank you Lord for each and every thing or person you've put in my life...and Lord, some things in terms of my family's salvation, my work (need directions), my studies, and last but not least, my frens, i hand it all to you Lord...for i trust in you...i know u know what's best for me,,,you will never give me the second best...you will never shortchange me...you will give me the best...Thank you Lord...

take care all of you...sorry for the long long post...hope it enlightens you...the Lord is good...
God Bless~

~sad sia...~

sigh....aiyo...duno y i always SIGH in many of my entries...sigh...hahahhaa...
sad lor...cos i've juz forgone an opportunity to go Hong Kong FOC and everything sponsored by my dad...but is to go about immediately..within these few days i think...cos gotta be a representative as my Aunty's father-in-law pass away...but...i couldnt even bear to stop my work(take leave) and go for the trip...my dad challenged me to go...but...but...i UNWILLINGLY declined...sigh...so sad right?i mean i am entitled to take leaves...but...i juz cant leave my work like dat...juz cant let my colleagues bear the burden n responsibilities of my work...and i know i still have lots to do...sigh...actually there are many stuff i could have finished quite some time ago...but i really hate it...the thought of me not being able to finish them makes me sad...and the reason i'm not able to finish them is cos of my boss!!!he keeps on making me waste ALOT of my time doing al his shit...i mean they are stuffs i shld be doing...but...if he could be more patient in allocating work...dun keep scolding and doing last min changes...make up his mind well...much time will not be wasted! really...i cant stand it lor...sometimes really wonder how he climbs up to what his position is now...it's really...i duno how to sae lah...and now i'm totally stuck with sooo many of my work...how can i ever go on leave? unless i really leave...sigh...wat shld i do? actually do have some job offers intro-ed by frens...really wonder shld i go or not...should i just forgo the variable bonus?should i just really find a job which do not require me to spend so much time in office, so that at least i can really concentrate on my last few modules of my course? i really do not wish to fail...i really longed for this graduation for very long...i canot take the risk to fail any...nowadays i've been OT-ing and really missed out alot on lessons...what should i do?i canot go on like this...SIGH...


*Lord, i now pray to you. I pray for directions in my life, what I should do, what decisions should i make. Lord, i hand it all to you, for i know you know what is BEST for me.
Lord, I thank you and i praise you.
In Jesus mighty Name,
Amen!*

guess will stop here

take gd care al of ya!
God Bless~

~arghhhh~

I AM STILL IN OFFICE!!!!!!!

my boss lah...dun let me go!!! want to change this and that...sigh...so sad...missed church service just now which started at 7.30pm...sigh...he's FULL of CHANGES lor...change this and that...at first thought 7plus can be done and i can rush down for my church service...BUT...he dun allow me to leave!!!!! oh i'm juz soooo angry!!! sigh...life's tough...i mean just now earlier in the day, the way he treated me....i tell you...i really wana QUIT!!!but...aiya...i also duno how to say lah...i duno wat to do now...SIGH....
k he's shouting for me already...ciaozzz...

*btw...yesterday on half day MC...my right eye was 'bandaged' after seeing doc in the morning (and i still went office after that to work till 2plus - my boss lah...so many things to do)...my eye was infected again...so decided to do a small surgery on my eye...my doc used a needle to prick the infected part and extracted out the pus...though the 'pimple look-a-like' thingy looks small...we never expect that it was even worse inside...luckily i did the surgery...should be on MC today too...but i chose to come and work instead...got too many things to do...see now...still got to OT till so late...sigh...

take care n God Bless~

~sigh...i'm right...~

YAWNZZZ!!!
yah...back not long ago...sigh...really tired...n yup...i'm right...i OT-ed today den went to class...it's making me really tired...i mean i actually was preparing to go off...but! my boss lah...keep asking do this n dat...doing those cashplus p&l with budget...sick of it man...really tired...Wednesday i'm usually bz with my weekly stuff...but he took up more than half my day juz to do his stuff...where in between he will chit chat here n there w others...n expect me to wait for him...den when i got the time to continue with my own reports...he will haunt me for his stuff...i mean...hey...if everything is impt, den which shld i do first?my weekly report is impt...if i nv finish, he will scold and say y i'm slow...but he's pestering me for his other stuff where i've already done out nicely for him...really duno wat he wants...grrrr...and just now was already 7.30pm already and he's demanding me to find out the cause of y the numbers do not tie with the system...explained to him already...still dun listen! angry lor...sigh...i missed impt parts of my lecture again...yesterday already missed...today again...sigh...i really duno how sia...really worried will fail...this term's modules are really difficult...sigh...*worried*
anyway...i brought work home to do...i noe i wldnt be able to do them at all with my boss around wasting my time...and now my eye is more pain than this morning...sigh...hopefully tmr will be fine...sigh...really tired...duno how much more can i take it...
*Lord, i need You!~*

k i'll stop here...
take care n God Bless~~~

~so bz sia~

arghh~ it's so tough man...juggling with work n studies...i mean i should complain this like more than 2yrs ago...but guess i complain now is cos it's juz so tough...mayb this period of time is very bz time...my boss...once again took up nearly more than half of my working day...leaving me with soo little time to complete my stuff...didnt get to complete them anyway...cos i gotta spend time helping out with the quarterly presentation stuff...'book binding' again...more than 20 booklets with abt 100pages for each booklet...sigh...my mind now is continuously worrying abt work...i.e. wat i shld do tmr...which should i do first...i mean most imptly i've got to do my weekly report...which takes up quite alot of time already...den i guess my boss is gona haunt me again...sigh...duno if i'm able to finish my work again...OT-ed today...till 8plus...late for class which was supposed to start at 7pm...practically missed the whole lesson...sigh...*worried*...stress sia...this term both modules are kinda difficult...and esp for assignments...oh no...duno how sia...hmmm...
oh no! i'm still thinking abt work!!! abt wat format shld i change some reports to...this n dat...oh no!!! guess tmr i gona OT again and miss lesson liao...hmmm...
*praying to keep myself calm*

ok will stop here...might be going to lalaland soon...

take care
God Bless~

~words of wisdom?~

yawnz...tired...juz back from work not long ago...OT mah...hoping to complete the work my division head has requested...sigh...but unable to finish...plus there were still errors...sigh...plus i still got lots more other work waiting for me to do...the reporting team is gona send out the quarterly reports soon...and they are yet to be binded! and i have yet to prepare the dividers for each booklet...sigh...
anyway...after i was preparing to leave office just nice, i've decided to walk around to see if there are still anyone left in the office...and true enough, there are 2 more still working...then one (Melvin) came and talk to me...we had a short chat...usually if i were to work late and were to see him still around, we will have some serious chats...and yup...find that my conversations w him are very real and good...i mean actually many others could have also thought of what advises he gave me lor...but yah...good timing to tell me lor...before i become too ambitious and impatient to quickly rise up the corporate ladder...we chatted some minor stuff...den abt my boss...abt promotions...then abit about those newcomers...seriously...many new comers are really of high rankings...i mean the lowest rank that came in are at least an AM...if not will be AVPs or VPs...i mean i thought they are so stingy in promoting ppl...yet they are so generous in employing high ranking ppl...hmmm...but i guess i gotta change my thinking...i mean i always think i wun have the chance to get promoted for this yr (my chance was forgone last yr)...and i'm kinda disappointed w it...but wat Melvin said was right...i'm still young...those new comers who came in with high rankings are mostly late twenties or early thirties (even late thirties)...if not they have many many yrs working experience already...that is why they can get up to that level...plus with their qualifications too...as for me now...i still do not have my degree...and i'm still young...there's actually no hurry to fight my way up...cos eventually if i were to work hard...gain my necessary experience...have good certs with me...the chances of me getting to my goal is high...so now what i shld do is to concentrate well w my studies...apply considerable amt of effort into my work (but guess i always overwork)...and take things at an acceptable pace...i will get to where i want if i really want to...hmmm...but true that none of us are always satisfied...say for example i was promoted to AM (for e.g. my aim)...after getting it...i will not be satisfied and i aim for AVP...and so on...this cycle will keep on going...hmmm...but if i were to really slow down my pace...i guess i will not achieve the goal i have set for myself 2yrs ago...guess maybe will have to just slowly work towards it...and i noe i can do it...
however, i know i canot do all these alone...i need God...i need Him to see me thru in all that i do and am going thru...i definitely know He has a plan for me...a wonderful plan...and it is a plan that i will follow and work towards it...even if it means that i will not be able to fulfil my goals...there is a high chance i will still follow it...yah...u see the word 'high chance'...meaning there might be a possibility that i might not follow...no choice...i noe i'm still a human after all...sometimes are are really some things in which we really canot bear to let go...but for all i know...great sacrifices made for the Lord will come in with great blessings by the Lord...i dun deny that...and the blessings from God are always that unexpected and miraculous...i've experienced(received) many many blessings from God and i really appreciate what God has blessed me with...He noes what's best for me...and i noe He loves me very much too...Agape Love...an unconditional love from God is the Best blessing and gift from God...Thank you, Lord...

k will stop here...will be sleeping...too tired...hopefully can wake up early to go work and complete as much work as possible...

*btw saw Marcus n Sis. Lucy in a coffeeshop in toa payoh during lunch time...good to see them...it's their 1st day of training for the missions team...

take care all of you...God Bless ALL of you!

~January 15~

Regret looks back.
Worry looks around.
Faith looks up.


John Mason

~He answers prayers!~

God is juz so amazing...great and wonderful...He juz answers prayers...always...never fails to enlighten us~ be it attending church classes or people talking to me..or even during sermons...i can juz feel God answering my prayers through them...it's really amazing...Love God...heez...

anyway...i love my friends...love them all~ =)

take care all~ God Bless~

~nice gathering~

hey hey~ i'm back home not long ago from my sec sch frens gathering...it was fun! really nice seeing them...a bunch of fun and nice ppl...(some are super lame too!)...heez...haven realy seen them or talk to them for quite some time liao...i mean i do meet them...but is during each other's birthdays...but those times we usually nv talk much...cos all too bz...they have afew gatherings every now and den...but i usually did not join is cos i'm either bz at work...or meet other frens...feel bad sia...actually meeting them up is really fun...i can feel the warmth from them...and i feel v comfortable with them...we can talk anything under the sun...laugh at anything (esp lame stuff)...and always bully Mr Lai Zhi Hao...heez...i mean i haven really meet them up for so long...yet i can still feel so close with them...wldnt feel left out...*happy*...
here, i really wana thank Kelly for msging me like a week ago to ask if i can join in the gethering...at first i didnt really cfm cos was thinking i might have other stuff on...but cos i really feel that i shld meet up w them and catch up more...so decided to meet them (even when actually i gotta do OT today)...worth it...i mean though we (actually is usually me who didnt spend much time w them) dun spend so much time together...we r still like very close frens...and by seeing them is very heartwarming...love them loads! also wana thank those few who organised this gathering...heard was Andy Ang who org this...oh yah...this gathering is also to celebrate Zhi Hao's birthday...yup...he's gona be 22yrs old in a couple of days...the 1st person in this grp to be 22yrs old...heez...and thanks Zhi Hao for the dinner treat...nice!...heez...another person whom i really have not seen...i guess even for more than a yr...is Chuan Liang...really missed him...i was like so excited to see him lor...he's studying at Australia mah...he came back for holidays...and we still talk cock as usual...after dinner we went bowling...i really suck at it lah...nothing to sae...haaaz...it's super fun playing with them lor...we split ourselves into 2 teams n compete each other...haaaz...in the midst of the game, me, Ber, Chuan Liang, and Andy Khoo were like recalling the times in sec sch where we played stupid games at my place...those memories...sweet...and yup...it's been like 7 to 8yrs ago liao...time flies...we all r adults now...haaz...but when we are together...it's a different thing and feeling...hmmm...after bowling, we went to a corner outside marina sq and sit down and play games while waiting for Andy Ang to go home and get his lorry to fetch us...while waiting, the games we played were really 'fun'...y?cos we always purposely sabo Zhi Hao and made him forfeit to sing and do poses...funny lor...after some time, Andy came back...(anyway...we have a total of 13 ppl...10 were supposed to go Terry's hse to stay over...onli me,Ber and Xiu Hao are going home...)...abt 10 ppl were sitting behind...whereby me and Keng Kok with Andy Ang is in front......Andy sent me home first...thereafter, the whole grp went for supper, which i decided not to join cos it's too late...and i dun really take supper...hmmm...n yup...now i'm back home...v tired le...gona sleep...
really thank God for this day...He blessed me with such good frens...oh yah...we are gona meet again in early feb cos Chuan Liang will be goin back Aust liao...hee...cant wait for that day...hope i wun have any other stuff that clashes with that time...

k will stop here...take care...God Bless~

~yay!~

WooHoo~~~!!!
I'm shocked...yet super happy...y? cos i've got back my results!!! heez...see me soo happy would also mean i've got good results...Unexpected good results...heez...
yup...took 2 papers in Dec 2006...International Biz and Consumer Behaviour...and guess wat? my International Biz got Credit and my Consumer Behaviour got Distinction!!! unexpected huh? especially for consumer behaviour...i was only thinking of a pass...or at most credit...but...today when my classmate sms me to tell me the results for CB is out (International Biz results out for quite some time already), i feel butterflies in my stomach...worried while i logged on to my sch's result webby...in my heart i keep on praying to God that pls dun let me see a PX or NX (fail)...when the page loads and i scroll down, i nearly screamed with joy! haaz...i mean i really nearly screamed in joy...i jumped to my surprise lor...i saw DI in the results column...and double check it's for the correct module (cos i got distinction for 2 other modules so thought i might have seen wrongly...heez...)...it's really Consumer Behaviour...oh gosh...i really cant believe it...i mean i even told my colleague wat if they input the wrong results by mistake...haaz...all i can say and thank now is God...He went through with me the times i was bz at work...yet tried my best to study...during that period of studying time i'm really bz at work lor...sometimes i rather OT than study...only wld study when i'm satisfied with the amt of work i've done...resulting myself to reach home at nearly 12am nearly everyday...it's really unexpected lah...really God's grace...really...Thank you Lord...would also like to thank my ITIB group mates...and also my Consumer Behaviour group mates...thank Ben for studying with me on exam day itself...heez...yup yup...

*btw...another thing i'm happy abt (actually shld blog abt it some time ago...but always forget)...i'm happy that one of my best fren, Serene Tang, has came back to God's embrace...i'm really happy for her...and actually in dec last yr...she nearly wana backslide again...but...her fire for God came back...and she's really burning for God...and i can see how much she's seeking God...how much she loves Him and yearns for His love...Amen!
really happy...really...cos i've always been praying for her to come back...and...ta da! she's back! heez...now also praying for another of my best fren, CK...he noes the Lord...but...i duno if he believes in Him...i usually will not force him...as he has the decision of his own...but really praying hard that one day he will come to know more abt the Lord, believe in Him and accept Him as Lord n Saviour...guess this will be another New Yr Resolution for me...to get people saved! heez...

k will stop here...(should be working!!!) ...heez...

take care all...God Bless~

am told that i might be having the following symptoms and suffering from this by a fren who did some research...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/17/AR2005121700892.html

a rough idea: Cyclothymic disorder, as it is sometimes known, is a milder cousin of bipolar disorder. Like bipolar disorder, cyclothymia has high and low phases, though the highs are not as high and the lows not as low. It can be crippling nonetheless. And it is a risk factor for bipolar disease itself, with up to 50 percent of those with cyclothymia eventually developing bipolar disorder. Major depression is also a higher risk.
The hypomanic, or upbeat, phase features symptoms such as elevated mood, increased self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, an increase in goal-directed activity and excessive involvement in pleasurable activities.
These symptoms might last for four or more days, then alternate with periods of mildly depressive symptoms such as sadness, pessimism, fatigue, feeling guilty, trouble concentrating and changes in sleep or appetite. For a person to be diagnosed with the disorder, this alternation persists for at least two years.

seem like i'm experiencing some of the symptoms...


oh no...God...help me pull thru this...

sigh...too many things in my mind...

that i cant comprehend...feel lost...dejected...unfocused...sad...useless...and still lost...
sigh...i duno...suddenly feel myself in depression mode...i really duno wat i shld do...wat are some decisions i have to make...my mind keeps on worrying...worrying things will not go right...worrying things are still unsolved...worrying worrying...sigh...dun ask mi anything abt this...i also wldnt know how to ans u...i blogged cos i feel like blogging it down...letting it out...but not totally...i love them...really love them...but...but...i duno...i'm lost...

Lord, here i am, saying a prayer to you...telling you that i'm really needing you badly...really badly...Lord, i know that NOTHING is too great for you...for you can do all wonders...and solve ALL things...i surely have no doubts in your abilities...and Lord, i am here to cast ALL my troubles and worries to you...and i know...i know you definitely will solve them and be there for me...take away the depression in me and let not the devil attack me...Lord, here i give all these to you...knowing that you know what is BEST for me...Thanks you Lord...Thank you Jesus...I Love you Lord.
In Jesus Mighty Name, AMEN!

ppl out there...this is a prayer i've said sincerely to the Lord...and i believe that if any of you (esp unbelievers) are facing any troubles in ur lives...or any unhappiness...let me tell you...God is always there for u...believe and pray...He will ans ur prayers...u'll experience His great love for u! Amen!

nightz to all

take care n God Bless~

Citibank - Customer service!

Citibank --customer service!

This is hilarious!!! .

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. Anyone who has dealt with an estate will agree with this.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this
part!!!!)

Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."

(Lawyer info given)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?